I am having a hard time to write something about a mother. I do not know where do i begin? Even though i am already a mother .. a mother of two. I look for the definition of a mother in dictionary, it only define as a female parent of a child, women are mothers. And motherhood is a state of being a mother. As simple as that.
But when i tried to look back and throw back the time when i had a baby. The first one was a miserable story that until now i could not forgive myself. I lost my first baby boy. If he will be alive he is now 18 years old. While writing this my eyes are in tears. I felt sorry for i was not able to fight for his life. I was not able to give him a chance to live. I hope he is in heaven. I hope he is an angel. I hope and pray that he forgave me already. I am sorry my son! i never forget you.
After a year i got pregnant again. This time, i took good care so much. I ate what she desired, i did what she desired… yes, it was SHE it was a baby girl. I wanted her to be healthy so i did not stressed out myself, i wore make up every day, i watched Rosalinda tv series.. Rosalinda was Thalia of Mexican drama, the lead role also of MArimar tv series. I watched Louise and Clark: Superman. I wanted to see those twp beautiful ladies.
Then, the time she was going to be born, It was very painful..very very painful that i wanted to shout out loud, but i controlled my mouth. Then, she was not able to came out on my vagina. The OB gyne decided to do the cesarean operation. When i heard her voice i smiled and i started to close my eyes and got sleep. I finally saw her in the morning. My eyes were on tears seeing her. She was an angel .. really look like an angel literally, her hair were curly, she was look like very much her father. That was one of the happiest feeling i have ever had. I stopped working because i wanted to be on guard of her, hands on in baby sitting. I knew her father could provide enough for her needs.
When she was 7 months, i got pregnant again. It was a bad timing to have a baby again at that early stage of Louise growing up days. I was so exhausted and stressed out. I had a bad trimester of pregnancy. I was abnormal literally, i vomit every time i smell bad, so irritated when Louise wanted me to carry her. Financially we became unstable. I always went to the OB-gyne because of my sensitive pregnancy. I was not capable of taking good care of Louise. I could not eat well, i could not sleep well. So, he adapt all the stress, all the irritation, all the pains… 1 week before my due date, he was not moving anymore but his heartbeat too fast that i was not able to count. So, the Doctor decided to have a cesarean operation again. According to their father story, the doctor asked him to choose among us he wanted to live. He chose both of us. But the doctor insisted that he should choose only one. He chose me because he knew he could make another one. But my story was heartwarming, i prayed to God that “Please Lord if he will be a baby boy, i will not get pregnant again and make him live”. It was a miracle that we both live. But before he was declared alive he was not crying, he was not moving, but when they tapped him many times, he finally cried and i heard it, I asked them what was my baby they said it was a baby boy. My eyes teared. I uttered thank you Lord you hear my prayer. Since he was lack of 1 week to complete the 9 months. According to them it was really a miracle because no child live on that stage. He was put in incubator and suck him on his nose so that he was able to breath. They put an oxygen also to him because he was lack of oxygen. I already checked out from the hospital but he was still confined. I always went to nursery to breast fed him. But his condition was not normal so they decided us to go to heart specialist because they heard a murmur in his heart.